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A Love Letter to the Dreamers, Creatives, Visionaries & Healers: The Importance of Your Erotic Joy

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~Dear Dreamer, Dear Creative, Dear Visionary, Dear Healer~

I see you.  I see your spark, I hear your voice, I feel the love you share in your words, actions, and creations.  You know that you have a unique genius to share, and that every step you take in healing yourself means you can show up to the world with more potency and tangible love.  You also know that your desire, your hunger, your erotic fire is a potent source of creation and pleasure, and every day you are paying attention to how much you are here, alive and present, in your body, heart, and mind.

You know that your visions, dreams, and creations are possible, that their actualization and fulfillment is not a selfish passion project, nor a selfless act of martyrdom, but a healing, expansive act of mutual liberation and flowering for you AND the world.  And, you feel the gap between this vision, and how you are able to work towards it in your everyday life.  You hunger for more connection, sensuality, and intimacy, but find yourself reverting to old ways of keeping safe and small, of self-sabotaging just when you think you can finally have the freedom in connection that you want and need.  

We were all taught to strike bargains in order to stay “safe” within the white cisheteropatriarchy.  These bargains keep us small and bland, and while our minds may know that these bargains are false, the body doesn’t, yet.  

We cannot think our way into our erotic empowerment.  Our mind is a potent aspect of pleasure and erotic intelligence, but it will almost never override conflicting needs for safety and survival that we carry in our bodies.  So, the bad news is that you cannot think your way across the gap.  

The good news is that your body does not solely contain the wounding--it also contains the wisdom, and the pleasure, and when we learn how to listen deeply to the body we can heal in a way that is right for us.  So much of what we internalize about desire and bodies is a script of how to perform heteronormative sexuality and gender.  To be able to put all of that down, and truly have the chance to feel ourselves, with the presence of someone who can be a midwife for the rebirth of our soul, changes our whole lives.

We find, from this place, that our body can be a safe and pleasurable place to be.  That we are truly enough, in all of our genius and messiness, to have love, to belong, to be free.  That our unique desires, sexuality, gender, and body are a source of goodness, of satisfaction, creativity, and fundamental life force.  

You can be bold in birthing your vision for a better world.

You can find peace, joy, and juiciness in your body, heart, and sexuality.

You can have deep intimacy and connection with your loved ones.

You can know that you belong because you are passionately, erotically alive.

You can experience erotic joy in your relationship with yourselves and your partner(s).

You can teach, create, advocate, speak, and transform the world from the depth of your erotic wisdom.

You can have this, and I can help you.  

The exploration of these questions has been my devotion for more than 25 years, and if your heart, mind, and body are sparked by what might be possible for you living from your erotic joy and wisdom, I would be honored to talk to you, and to possibly be your soul midwife as you rebirth your powerful, erotic authenticity in service to the mutual liberation and flowering of self and world.

I am a passionate queer woman driven by connection, curiousity, and an endless fascination with sexuality, gender, transformation, and power.  I have been innately motivated to know myself and others from the core truths of body and spirit, from the soul, and I’ve always essentially given the finger to playing by the patriarchal rules of propriety.  Like you, I have done the work in many ways, over many years, to strip away falsehoods and defenses, to experience without reserve my own truth from my erotic, embodied self.

For many years there was a gap between what I pursued with passion in my work, and how I was able to sustainably show up to offer that work.  There was simultaneously a gap in my partnership, where I was co-dependently maintaining an unequal balance of emotional labor for supposed safety and survival.  I could not fully speak my truth around my needs, values, and desires because I was afraid of losing the love that I had--which I believed, on a level, was all that I could have.  To need more, to say more, to desire more, would be too much, and then I would have no love at all.

I had to run headlong into my own glaring gap between who I really was, and how I thought I was supposed to be, to have it all come sacredly, messily crashing down.  I had to remember how to include my real self in relationship, and create boundaries and new intimacy from that place.  In my case, this meant realizing that I no longer identified as queer and bisexual, that I loved my then husband but couldn’t stay in sexual/romantic relationship with him, and that I knew myself as a queer femme who wanted to love and partner with a butch.

It is scary to say Yes to this essential part of ourselves, because we know that life as we know it will come crashing down.  It is human to feel a sense of comfort and security in the known, even if we are suffering in the known.  That doesn’t make us failures.  A birthing mother/person is not a failure for having the support and guidance of a midwife--that midwife makes it possible for the birthing person to let go into the intensity of Life itself flowing through and opening them, so that new life can be born.  I am here to sit with you, to reflect back that yes it is intense to find and rebirth ourselves, and yes it is worth it, and that you were always meant to do this, to deeply know and love and express the real you.

The real you belongs to the world, and it to you.  You are needed, in your soul’s genius, in your loving presence, in your creativity, in your passion and curiosity, and you are loved, for your passionate, gorgeous, erotically alived self, without reserve, by those who belong to you and you to them.  Be bold, be brave, be ‘too much’--you are just what the world needs.


in love, liberation, & erotic joy,

Ursula, the Empress of Erotic Joy, the Femme Priestess of Liberating Pleasure, the Queer Mamabear of Fierce Love, and the Wild Witch of Passionate Aliveness


PS. I am enthusiastically available to meet in curiosity and connection!  
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